It Is What It Is

Something significant happens in life and when we reflect (whether that is replaying a situation in your head while driving home or it randomly popping into your thoughts at 3am) we automatically evaluate it. By that I mean, we consider the positives, negatives, how you felt at the time, how you feel now and why you felt that way. Sometimes it goes further to consider what would you do again if you were in that situation and what have you learned from that event. This is normal, natural and healthy.

Now consider reflecting on an event and understanding the effect it has on you but not needing to class it as positive or negative. It is what it is. This can seem like a ‘laissez faire’ approach and believe me, I am someone that will replay an argument with my Year 7 Geography teacher even though I am now in my thirties to come up with a witty comeback! I used to think that if I didn’t learn something from a bad experience then the hurt was for nothing or if I didn’t appreciate the good experiences then I have no soul! However, what I try to do now is just acknowledge something happened to you, but then find a peace in leaving it at that which can be just as positive. For example, if you were in a questionable relationship with someone who was not good for you at the time. When looking back, it can be difficult to try to find all of the reasons you stayed in the relationship to find the positives and find the lessons for yourself. However, rather than questioning all of the decisions and finding a meaning to the mistakes, instead all that we need to do is admit it was a part of our journey and even though there are positives and negatives in every decision, we don’t necessarily need those right now. End of.

I am not saying you don’t need to reflect, far from it – what I am saying is that you need to pick your moments to analyse and the end goal is always the same. It is about finding the acceptance and a way of understanding yourself and your decisions to help you move forward, rather than beating yourself up for things in the past. Therefore, finding the peace in it what it is!